Day 81 and 2444 cigarettes not smoked. Proud with a capital P.
I wont say the last few days have been easy because they have not. Still having to tough it through many moments! Yesterday afternoon, I ate a whole bag of crisps and relished every single one. Then I felt guilty because I had compromised my healthy eating strategy and felt crap. But then I remembered that one packet of crisps will not kill me, but the one puff that will lead me back to a smoking lifestyle possibly could. So I sucked up my guilt and moved on.
I remember in hell week or the first month of my many quit attempts. You hang onto every word, every post, every answer to your post. Then days become weeks and weeks become two months, and suddenly you feel more confident and you start skipping a day here or there. You no longer cling to support like you used to.
In my 3D life, I don't feel like I am really getting the support any longer. Friends, family, hubby etc have kind of ‘accepted’ that I have quit, and I get the feeling everyone is thinking ‘you’ve quit, get over it and move on’.
And every so now and again, someone will say ‘Oh well done, good for you, excellent! Great stuff’ And ‘some’ of the smokers will say this as they light their 25th cig of the minute! Lol.
mmmm. If truth be told, at times, I get frustrated. Because ’they’ cannot possibly know how difficult it is, the emotional see-saw that you are in day in and day out… How you can have one perfectly wonderful fantastic day, followed by a perfectly awful crap day.
How so often, you want to say ‘Ah feck it, I’m gonna smoke’, and then you envisage yourself coughing and spluttering and stinking and wasting your hard earned money and shortening your life and you think, ‘Deep breath, NOPE, DFS, Don’t fucking smoke, and then you start at the beginning again and say it a hundred times over until the cravings passes'.
Please, don’t get me wrong. I don’t need people swooning over me day and night patting my back and telling me how wonderful I am, it would just sometimes be nice for them to genuinely say ‘How are YOU doing. I know it must be tough, can I do anything to help you or make it easier?’
Sometimes, when my hubby walks past me smoking his tobacco pipe and I can’t see him through the haze of smoke, and I have to inhale a few second hand puffs, I just want to seriously pull my hair out. I wan’t to say ‘Can’t you PLEASE smoke that stinking thing outside away from me!!’
I don’t really know what the purpose of my post is about today. I think I just needed to vent. I think I just needed to say that support is as important on Day 81 as it is on Day 1. I want to thank all of you who continually support my posts and my efforts to keep this quit. It means the world to me and I am forever grateful. I don’t think I could do it without all of you.
Onwards and upwards, the mountain is waiting.
Wishing you all a wonderful day.
Don't dream up thousands of reasons
why you can't do what you want to; find one reason why you CAN.