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How COULD you ??
By skipper8
on April 04 2012 at 4:15 pm
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52, Female
Toronto
, Canada
Member Since: July 02 2002
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Hi Gang - I have been reading around through my own journal as I have been having some evil "just one" thoguhts ....that is pretty normal for me around this point in the quit so I wanted to remind myself exactly why I can not have just one
This was originally written when I started a quit in Feb 2010 which lasted about 5 months......I am now coming up on 5 months on this my very last quit ....... so it seems like I better just stick with my NOPE and DFS !!!
How could YOU lose a 5 year quit ???
This was a question that has been asked of me several times.................
So here is how it happened to me ----- exactly what I did and did not do :
Of course the simple answer would be that I picked up a cigarette and smoked it....but what lead to me giving myself permission to do that?
I had been going through a very rough time with my daughter who was 16 and addicted to pain meds.....in the end she wound up in hospital , which was the beginning of her recovery.... we got her enrolled as a volunteer up at a camp which she has gone to her whole life. She was trying to become clean from the drugs ( which was successful BTW).
I drove her up each week and when I dropped her off she would leave her smokes in my car for :safe keeping"
At this same time my life long best friend was dying from cancer and was smoking again.
After a very stressful week ( i will spare you the gory details), I drove my daughter up to camp, and came home and decided to have a couple of rums and just veg out..................the smokes were calling me from the car - here is what they said
"ccooommmeeee oonnnnnnn!! you have been quit for 5 years - there is NO WAY you will go back to smoking full time --- just tonight give yourself permission to drown in your sorrows, have a couple of drinks and smokes just like the "old days"
I told the voices to go to hell, that was CRAZY , I don't want to smoke!
After 3 drinks the voice won - I went to the locked car , pulled out her pack and smoked a few............the first one was awful and made me very dizzy and some nauseous, but that did not stop me from number 2 a while later.
Over the next few months , I continued to lie to myself , I would have a smoke here , and smoke there and then finally admitted to myself I was smoking again and bought my first pack.
The Lessons for me -
1) there is no such thing as one cigarette , EVER, even if you have been quit for a very long time the worst thing you can do is have a puff.
2) if you are ever thinking of picking up that first cigarette use your support system - I did not pick up the phone , I did not come to QSJ , I did not tell ANYONE what I was thinking of doing or had done - now I just wanted to hide the fact that I was smoking
3) this can happen to anyone , IF you let your guard down , even for a moment and let yourself start to smoke.
So that's it , Thats all - and here I am - a 10 cigarette a day smoker , ready to call it quits again for the last time.
Actually Starting Chantix today as I did not pick up the drugs until late yesterday
Thanks for reading and hopefully breaking the how's of losing my long term quit will help someone out there from making the same mistake I did.
~~The time is always right , to do what is right ~~ KTQ ~~Kathy
QD- 21-11-11 :)
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Message by ltlsqueak
on April 04 2012 at 6:42 pm
Location: United States Joined: March 19 2010 Posts:
4016
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Off to VC for me!
Thanks for sharing! (((hugs))) You really had a lot going on! I am so happy for your quit now and the strength that you have. You WILL win this fight!
Keep believing in yourself! 
Sherri
Quit date: March 22, 2010
Nothing worth having in life is ever easy.
BELIEVE in yourself!
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Message by faith4sure
on April 04 2012 at 10:11 pm
Location: United States Joined: November 29 2010 Posts:
586
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"Thank You" so much for sharing your story - the power of a story!!! I can so relate - that just one thing torments me!
This share was just the reminder that I needed!
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Message by ChinHi
on April 04 2012 at 11:42 pm
Location: United States Joined: July 06 2002 Posts:
25398
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be careful ... stay strong !
KCL = Keep Choosin' LIFE
"Never leave another quitter behind" by BTBASSER
Namaste
Mahalo Karyn and lindy our SHEROs
7/25/01
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Message by PackyLou
on April 05 2012 at 8:44 am
Location: United States Joined: September 13 2007 Posts:
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I quit smoking when I was 24, my dad had just died of lung cancer. I did not smoke for 17 years. My kids never saw me smoke while growing up....
then I started smoking again.
this is a powerful addiction. and I believe like alcoho., it is cunning, baffling and powerful and will ALWAYS be there. waiting.
This is scary, but real. Thanks so much for sharing and I'm glad you're back, because I can tell you are glad, too!
Barb
"I took the road less traveled by ~
and it has made all the difference..."
QD: 9/10/07
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Message by I'm done
on April 05 2012 at 6:42 pm
Location: United States Joined: June 20 2006 Posts:
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No such thing to want "one". Cuz hours after finishing the "one" you will want another "one". It's not an option. You are done!
The first two weeks of your quit will be the hardest thing you do in your life unless you must quit again. Not one puff! --Janet--
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Message by Babs
on April 08 2012 at 6:07 pm
Location: United States Joined: November 16 2006 Posts:
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That is how my dad lost his 5 year quit. Funny but here I am over 5 years and craving one lately. Thinking of you and daddy has helped me say not no but he'll no!Ryn...Haha. That was the bowl I cooled the eggs in. I did make a basket with a chocolate bunny and all. (:Keep up the great quit Kathy. One is always about one more and one more.Happy Smoke free Easter!
Not One Puff Ever and
Keep a Sense of Humor.
Babs ~ 9/15/06
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