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Strengthening will. In memory of Jan/gpkr2  
By Vlinder  on April 17 2011 at 6:48 am

Female
Netherlands
Member Since: July 08 2002


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Last  Wednesday I received an e-mail from Gary Parker to inform me that his wife Jan, known at QSJ as gprkr2, past away on December 21, 2009. Like other oldies form here, who were also informed I was shocked.

 Though a lot of oldies, who finally learned how to quit smoking at QSJ, do not come here often anymore, all of us remembered Jan, because she was a kind, sweet and compassionate woman. Always interested in others, helping others to stay quit making interesting entries and with a lot of humour also. She stopped, relapsed and stopped again. She had a strong will.

 I dedicate this entry to here, because it was an entry at the Cloud9 website that helped her very much, as she told me. She was referring to this entry when she wrote on the FrontPage of her journal:  http://www.quitsmokingjournals.com/forum/display_forum_topics.asp?ForumID=870 

Will involves Tenacity . . . A strong will Perseveres

 

I feel the need to share this entry with all the new people here in the hope that it will help them the way it helped Jan, our own and beloved gpkr2

Rest in Peace Friend!


 
Strengthening will

by Vlinder

 

 

Do we have enough information yet? If you want to lead a good and healthy life, you can find lots of  information about how to do it.  You can read self help books or listen to self-help tapes. You can search the Internet. You can go to lectures and workshops. You can take classes. You can even hire a counselor or a personal trainer.

So many of us continue to do things that we shouldn’t or avoid doing things we should. Lack of information is not the problem. Often the missing ingredient is lack of will. We’d like to quit smoking, lose weight, eat better and exercise more. Maybe we’d like to relax or meditate more regularly. Or study more or spend more time talking with friends and family. We may have some big and important project that we need to complete, but it just doesn’t happen.



What we are lacking is sufficient will to act. 

 

Willing is the beginning of behaviour. It is the act of setting attention on goals and taking action to meet them. It is different from wishing. We can wish for a lot of things, but wishing doesn’t imply that we are going to do anything about it.

 

 Sometimes it works. Often it does not.


When we exert our will, we make choices. For instance, right now you are probably breathing naturally without thinking about it. You haven’t exercised will in the matter. Your natural instincts tell you to breathe in and then out. You could choose to stop, for a short time, through an act of will. Or you could will yourself to touch your nose or stand up and stretch. You would be making a conscious decision to perform a behavior, and then you would begin to do it. That’s will.

Let us say you want to fight an addiction. You get started and are successful for three days. Then the MIND GAMES start . So you are going to feel the impulse to not follow through with your goal. When your will is strong, you follow through with your goal by inhibiting competing impulses.

The phrase, "Where there’s a will, there’s a way," is a cliché, but it suggests the truth that when we create our intention and direct our will, we must, seek alternate paths to accomplish our goals when obstacles appear.

 

Will involves tenacity.

 

It means we don’t give up at the first disappointment or difficulty.

 

A strong will perseveres.


Strength of will allows us to accomplish things, to become the person we hope to be. However, it is only useful if it is guided by wisdom. A strong willed fool makes a wonderful obstacle to progress, but they don’t accomplish anything worthwhile with foolish goals and values. We must learn to know ourselves. We must learn to discern good from bad, truth from fiction, and develop values based on valid principles.

Each action has a consequence. We live in a world of action and reaction, cause and effect. The energy we create by our action will come back to us one way or the other. If our actions are rooted in greed, anger, or other forms of attachment they will create more of the same in our experience. If our actions are rooted in compassion and unselfishness, we will experience more love.

 

Practice:

How do you assess the character of your will?
Would you say you are a strong willed person, or not?
When or where have you had a failure of will?
What might you have done differently?
What is most important to you?
What are the standards of conduct that mean the most to you?
What do you most want to accomplish in this life?
What state of mind do you most treasure?
What do you most wish for?
Is it possible you could attain your wish?
What could you do to attain your wish or meet your goal?
What can you do right now to begin it?
What habits or impulses might get in the way of your goal?
What can you do to remind yourself to persevere ?
How can you exert your will ?

 



 

Source: Tom Barrett, interluderetreat.com

Painting: Pallas Athena - Gustav Klimt

MP3: Bach, Largo

Elenor
 

 

 


 

Elenor
 

Message by betsy  View Journal on April 17 2011 at 8:12 am 
Location: United States   Joined: January 11 2004   Posts: 30773   View betsy's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by betsySearch Quote betsyQuote
thank you

betsy QD 11/10/03
Today is the best day to not smoke!

Message by skipper8  View Journal on April 17 2011 at 9:08 am 
Location: Canada   Joined: July 02 2002   Posts: 12338   View skipper8's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by skipper8Search Quote skipper8Quote
Very strong words and I will use them wisely -

I have only fond and good memories of Jan and the woman she was to us all at QSJ :)

~~The time is always right , to do what is right ~~ KTQ ~~Kathy

QD- 21-11-11 :)

Message by JuniaSE  View Journal on April 17 2011 at 9:09 am 
Location: Sweden   Joined: December 25 2008   Posts: 1051   View JuniaSE's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by JuniaSESearch Quote JuniaSEQuote

Thank you for sharing this!

Rest in peace Jan!


WONDERWOMAN - living in the moment <3
QD: 03/13/11 at 9pm
Totally Nicotinefree: 07/23/11 at 4.15pm

Message by Vicki  View Journal on April 17 2011 at 10:19 am 
Location: United States   Joined: June 28 2004   Posts: 3242   View Vicki's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by VickiSearch Quote VickiQuote
Such wise words from a wise lady.  Thank you.
Vicki
Quit July 15, 2007 10:30 AM

Message by ltlsqueak  View Journal on April 17 2011 at 11:22 am 
Location: United States   Joined: March 19 2010   Posts: 4100   View ltlsqueak's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by ltlsqueakSearch Quote ltlsqueakQuote

She sounds like such a wonderful person!  Wish I'd been fortunate enough to have known her.  So nice of you to post and dedicate it to her memory.  She seemed to have touched so many lives! 

In peace.....


Sherri

Quit date: March 22, 2010

Nothing worth having in life is ever easy.

BELIEVE in yourself!

Message by Babs  View Journal on April 17 2011 at 11:56 am 
Location: United States   Joined: November 16 2006   Posts: 10173   View Babs's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by BabsSearch Quote BabsQuote

white peach tulips

This is a beautiful Memorial Post Elenor.

We will miss her but not forget her.


Not One Puff Ever and
Keep a Sense of Humor.
Babs ~ 9/15/06


Message by Scout  View Journal on April 17 2011 at 1:05 pm 
Location: United States   Joined: May 19 2005   Posts: 7757   View Scout's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by ScoutSearch Quote ScoutQuote


For our beloved Jan


Another child was plucked away

And words cannot describe the day.

 

Can mere mortals speak of grief

Of a life on Earth so brief?

 

The memories need to hold for now

It's all we have before we bow

 

Before a greater power above

In which we re-gain all the love

 

Of universes yet unknown

Far above mere flesh and bone.

 

Gold and silver threads to sew

Into the tapestry of life we go

 

To this dear child, we give to you

Eternal love of which you're due.

We love you Jan
Always


Scout; QD 5/17/05

Message by Kat_fairykats  View Journal on April 17 2011 at 6:36 pm 
Location: United States   Joined: January 25 2006   Posts: 12514   View Kat_fairykats's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by Kat_fairykatsSearch Quote Kat_fairykatsQuote
Such a wonderful tribute to her for us, Elenor. Thank you for coming here to show your caring.

It took me a while to respond because I wanted to go through some of my entries and find an example of Jan's goodness and wisdom. There were many, but here's one of particular meaning to me:

Message by gprkr2  on February 20 2008 at 11:24 am 
Location: United States   Joined: July 07 2004   Posts: 2632    Profile  Search Quote   Delete

 

{{{{{{{{{{{{KAT}}}}}}}}}}

Sending you Hugs today, and this thought:

We're all in the same boat. We just have different paddles, and perhaps we find ourselves on different rivers.

Some of us may be moving along paths that are like rushing rivers; others may be on a large, still lake. We have all felt, at one time or another, tossed about on a stormy ocean. Through all this, we are never really alone, even though it might seem that way. There is inspiration all around us in the form of other people making their way through the world, in the very same boat.





Jan
QD 2/23/08
Change your thoughts and change your world.
Norman Vincent Peale


"Through all this, we are never really alone, even though it might seem that way."


Thank you, Jan, for sticking by each one of us no matter what. We are indeed never alone. Love and Light.


Message by sweetp  View Journal on April 18 2011 at 9:38 am 
Location: United States   Joined: January 13 2004   Posts: 15496   View sweetp's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by sweetpSearch Quote sweetpQuote
Elenor ... a beautiful tribute to Jan...
I spent an entire day and evening last week...in so much thought...how much each of you meant to me through this journey quit...and how much each of you touched my life...maybe I carry a piece of each of us oldies everyday...inorder to stay strong and keep my quit...however...losing Jan felt like losing a piece...
Thank you for this Elenor...you are a lady with much "Grace"....and oh my what Kat wrote above me...I remember when Jan wrote this to Kat...Jan had such a way...May she rest comfortably with God...!

Hugs Colleen
"Today I choose not to smoke..."


Message by Carla  View Journal on April 18 2011 at 3:35 pm 
Location: United States   Joined: July 07 2002   Posts: 3929   View Carla's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by CarlaSearch Quote CarlaQuote
Hi Elenor
So glad I came here today to see you.. Thanks for the great entry as usual. How are you feeling these days.

Hope all is good with you
Thanks for sharing this
CARLA (AKA MAMA)
May 14, 2002 Quit
This was my last quit!

Message by Cindy_66  View Journal on April 18 2011 at 7:43 pm 
Location: United States   Joined: April 09 2004   Posts: 2409   View Cindy_66's ProfileProfile Search for other entries by Cindy_66Search Quote Cindy_66Quote
Beautiful Elenor as always with your post. So good to see you, you are missed
BELIEVE
Do NOT trade what you want at the moment for what you want the most
"Choose to do what I want, for ‘in each moment I am free to decide”
03/17/09

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