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Reasons
By Kat_fairykats
on July 23 2011 at 11:50 am
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58, Female
TX, United States
Member Since: January 25 2006
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When I first quit, it was for reasons having nothing to do with why I have stayed quit. And I wonder if that is one of the keys to staying free...the evolution along the way, the love of self that blossoms after a time of witholding and self-discipline.
My reasons were purely cosmetic and selfish; I was heading to a Canadian festival to spend time with a friend who didn't smoke, and I didn't want to smell or taste like cigarettes. I also didn't want to freeze my ass off outdoors in a Manitoba winter. We southern belles do not understand cold like that, and this gal didn't even want to try to smoke in it.
I never went to Manitoba. Quitting smoking was the hardest thing I'd ever done, and it was some time before I felt okay to do new things. All I could do was to grimly move through each day. People here kept telling me it would get better. I put faith in them and hung on for dear life. I had suffered so much the first little while, I was determined I would NEVER put myself through that again.
Although being stricken with disease and dying are probably the number one reasons to stop smoking, are those the kinds of reasons that can *sustain* a quit? I wonder if it is the sheer disbelief in our own death that keeps us indulging in behaviors that are so detrimental to our minds and bodies. Is that why we give up and tempt fate again and again? Is it because we don't believe, deep down, that this can happen to me? Something bad happens and we think, 'Oh hell I will die of something someday,' and then light up so that we don't have to sit still in the emotion and feel it. We do not use logic to think our way out of it, because we taught ourselves for years to gratify ourselves immediately and screw the cost.
It is easy to disregard the cost when we really don't believe we'll get charged.
In one of my classes, I learned that the human mind cannot conceive of its own demise. Yes, we can say the words, but the ego doesn't believe it. So I wonder if our quits can be based on real life instead of unreal death. If my reasons to ditch cigarettes are about enjoying this life of freedom from addiction, from using, from slavery, then perhaps I will keep working hard, even when the going is very hard. We choose to treat ourselves well--each and every day--while we walk this unfamiliar terrain. As we do that, we move from grumbling, kicking/screaming resentfulness to real gratitude and acceptance.
Acceptance is where peace resides.
Fresh air, good and wholesome foods, the ceremony of teas and cooking, hobbies and exploration, and the time we have now to do homey and comforting things. As the chains of addiction fall off, the sweet wind blows through our very cells for the first time in many, many years. Our spirits expand, we feel as if we belonged again--belonged in the way we did as children, the way we were supposed to be all along. There is not a feeling like it in the whole world and it stays with us all the time. Bad things happen, but if we search deep inside, we can bring up that golden feeling again.
Each cigarette not smoked is the triumphant fullfillment of self love: we have finally learned how to nurture self in the way that matters.
Namaste.
"When you quit, your forevers will come to you."
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Message by faith4sure
on July 23 2011 at 11:58 am
Location: United States Joined: November 29 2010 Posts:
586
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Wow and wow again!!!
"Thank You" so much for sharing this. This and so many other journal entries are doing what I can't fathom doing for myself at this point. I had just posted about instant gratification in my thinking and quitting journey and then I read this!
Again, "thank you"
Viewers choice for sure
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Message by beststarmom
on July 23 2011 at 12:04 pm
Location: Canada Joined: October 16 2006 Posts:
1434
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off to viewer choice my friend. This really hit home as I started smoking when I was either twelve or thirteen I can't remember exactly. I had health scares never made me stop. I had to learn how to experience every emotion in life without my best friend. But guess what I did and even if it hasn't always been easy it has been worth it. I have been dealt with some bad blows this past year and had to go though a gambet of emotions smokefree, in a few months it will be five years.
KTQ
Lucille Q/D 11/10/2006
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Message by Quitastic!
on July 23 2011 at 10:55 pm
Location: United States Joined: October 18 2009 Posts:
620
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Wow -- I haven't been on here for a while (quit still going strong though!!) and this was the first entry I read.
Very wise words.
Thank you for posting.
~Emily
Quitter since 10/16/09
Smoke-free since 1/1/10
Nicotine-free since 3/22/10
I take comfort in knowing that with each non-smoking day I grow stronger! It will get easier over time!
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Message by ozzy
on July 24 2011 at 3:41 am
Location: South Africa Joined: February 10 2009 Posts:
3889
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Triple wow. Glad it went to VC.
'Sustainability' - Now this is something I have to work on.
((((Hugs))))
Don't dream up thousands of reasons
why you can't do what you want to; find one reason why you CAN.
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Message by JuniaSE
on July 29 2011 at 2:50 pm
Location: Sweden Joined: December 25 2008 Posts:
1051
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RYN: Thank's!! :)
WONDERWOMAN - living in the moment <3
QD: 03/13/11 at 9pm
Totally Nicotinefree: 07/23/11 at 4.15pm
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Message by ltlsqueak
on July 29 2011 at 8:14 pm
Location: United States Joined: March 19 2010 Posts:
4100
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Have I told you lately how much I enjoy you being back and posting? You know that I've always thought a lot of you! You were so instrumental in my quit. Your posts are so uplifting and informative. Your words truly come from the heart and that makes them even more special! 
Please always remember we need you here. I'm being very genuine. I wish I could put into words the gift you have of helping others!
Hope you have a wonderful weekend! Thanks for being YOU! (((hugs)))
Sherri
Quit date: March 22, 2010
Nothing worth having in life is ever easy.
BELIEVE in yourself!
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Message by Jeremiah
on July 29 2011 at 8:30 pm
Location: United States Joined: April 19 2007 Posts:
4358
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RYN: Not a drag car I'm going to go drive..But an "Indy" car like the one in the picture below..
Together
Everyone
Accomplishes
More..
Puto in vestri (Believe in yourself)
4/19/07
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Message by JuniaSE
on July 31 2011 at 2:47 pm
Location: Sweden Joined: December 25 2008 Posts:
1051
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RYN Thank you!!
WONDERWOMAN - living in the moment <3
QD: 03/13/11 at 9pm
Totally Nicotinefree: 07/23/11 at 4.15pm
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Message by ozzy
on August 03 2011 at 12:02 pm
Location: South Africa Joined: February 10 2009 Posts:
3889
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RYN You are a wonderful wonderful clever person. Your note brought tears to my eyes. Thank you Kat!
Don't dream up thousands of reasons
why you can't do what you want to; find one reason why you CAN.
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