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Late share for Tuesday
By Desert Chic
on May 15 2012 at 10:23 pm
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39, Female
United States
Member Since: August 04 2006
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Ok, I've been doing a lot of thinking today. Kat reminded me that we have to work on the inside when we quit, so that way the quit will stick. Oh, she is so right about that. So, I've been reflecting on what is missing in my life that I've been filling for the past 7 months with nicotine...the nicotine that broke my 4 year successful quit.
My first step in the mystery was to ask myself when I feel like smoking. The answer was: when my teens and/or my husband is home, and when I drink. I don't feel like smoking when I'm at work, driving, or hanging out by myself.
Second step in the mystery is to ask myself why I feel like drinking when they're with me/ and also why I want to smoke during the family time.
The conclusion that I've reached is that I feel insecure lately. Over the past 9 months, my husband has been traveling regularly with work. When he's home, he's so involved with work, that it's his passion. We've never really been one of those couples that does a lot together and I've tried over the last decade to change that. We're kind of separate people that come together for date night once in a while, or to visit sometimes about days' events, bills, kids, etc. That's always been kind of a void that counseling never fixed.
Also, this past year, the teens have become very independant and do things mostly on their own or with their friends. They are so smart and successful in sports, work, friends, and school. They have 4.3+ GPAs in their honor classes. So, instead of focusing on how successful they are, I feel lonely that I'm by myself a lot. I got 2 dogs a year ago that someone left on the doorstep and rang the doorbell. They are my company now and I love them so much...my little weinerhuahuas.
So, thanks Kat for getting me to look within. Now, I need to figure out how to fill this lonely void on the typical day. I have a ladies book club I belong to, an after work happy hour every other week with my friends, phone conversations, and Facebook, but I think I need something more fulfilling on a day to day basis. THAT'S my new mission. Find my own joys outside of the family.
I must add, my 7 year old still hangs with me and provides so much love and joy. :) She still thinks that I wake up early to hang the sun.
I'd rather be an ex smoker with the occasional desire to smoke than be a smoker with the constant desire to stop doing it.
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Message by Pykke
on May 15 2012 at 10:33 pm
Location: United States Joined: July 21 2002 Posts:
6205
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Try volunteering somewhere.....a library...thrift shop whatever...meet more people and have something to do!!!!
Pykke
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Message by Babs
on May 15 2012 at 11:45 pm
Location: United States Joined: November 16 2006 Posts:
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Do something that you have a passion for and go cold turkey on the drinks for a while. Get some good books and movies to recluse with. Pamper your quit every day till you are ready again. You can do it.
Not One Puff Ever and
Keep a Sense of Humor.
Babs ~ 9/15/06
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Message by Joppette
on May 16 2012 at 5:23 am
Location: United States Joined: July 25 2002 Posts:
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Hi there friend,
Long time no see. Let's see, trying to figure out how many years ago it was that we met. I'm thinking about five years now. Five or four. It's early in the morning, so I'm not going to brain cramp about it.
But I was moved to write here because what you are describing is me about ten years ago. The situation was not exactly the same, in that I couldn't have children. But my children was my career, and they are not that far off in terms of time commitment and distraction. Certainly can't be compared in many other ways, but that way yes. And I did what you are doing because our life style afforded it, and it just was easy. Since then, obviously my life has done a 180 turn, but if you ever want to talk, email me. If you need my email, let me know in my journal and I'll find a way to get it to you. I'd love to talk to you on the phone too sweetheart.
Take care, and I hope we get to re-connect!
Judy
Living with lung cancer since 2007, and still doing it! Smoke free.
QD: 12/3/2004
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Message by Joppette
on May 16 2012 at 5:54 am
Location: United States Joined: July 25 2002 Posts:
18250
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Hey there, I found you in my contacts. I'll try the email I have there and see if it still works.
Take care pretty lady!
Judy
Living with lung cancer since 2007, and still doing it! Smoke free.
QD: 12/3/2004
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Message by hollyo
on May 16 2012 at 8:18 am
Location: United States Joined: December 08 2010 Posts:
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I think your re-evaluating your strategies like the couple of triggers you mentioned and just being able to look at your own life the way you have and realizing changes that are needed because of other things changing is key.
The alcohol thing w/smoking is a big deal for me. I have to quit drinking alcohol (longer) and caffein (not as long) when I quit nicotine. I am able to allow caffein back into my life fairly soon, and I continue to drink de-caf when I quit, but the drug of caffein, if I"m not CAREFUL causes me extreme agitation if I'm not careful, like I can have two regular cups of coffee then I have to switch to half calf or de-calf and keep going back n forth. The agitation is then the problem in my quit...agitation makes me want to smoke. I was able to figure that out through many a quits.
The alcohol one is a problem for me as well and I'm still trying to figure that one out. I have lost several quits in the past while drinking alcohol so I always thought it was allowing myself to drop my will (when buzzed on alcohol) combined w/the social aspect. I'm not sure yet, but in my most successful quits, including this one, eliminating alcohol completely for many months has helped me...it has also helped me find new and different activities. I'm still playing around w/the alcohol thing because I recently began again having a few drinks and the last couple of times I had a few too many, didn't smoke, but now I am just struggling w/the whole alcohol issue so time will tell!
When things got really bad and I was REALLY struggling, one of my good friends gave me a very specific suggestion. I took it and practice it almost every day....it really helps me. I think it would help most anyone, but not everyone is the same. It's not hard, and it doesn't take much time, but it sure empowers me, gives me strength and seems to keep me out of trouble in many ways. Every day, I get on my KNEES. I hand over my addiction to God. I also hand over to God all the things I think I struggle with or have issues with...like for example for me one is my emotions. I have a handful. I just simply, on my knees, out loud, hand over to God (or your higher power if you are not a believer) my addiction, ect (could be lonliness, emotions, bad attitude, laziness) and ask Him to TAKE control of these things...because I CANNOT CONTROL these things in my life. I then continue w/the rest of my prayer for the day and I go on my way and in doing so, things are just better. I don't have to have anxiety (another one I hand over daily) over these things I struggle with because I have handed them over to God to handle for me and I have faith that He will and it comforts me so.
When we are struggling and things just seem low....sometimes there is only one way to go and that is UP in a positive motion.
Good luck and God Bless!
hollyo
quit date 12/10/10
One Day @ a time
relapsed; 11-12-11
New quit date 1/10/12
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Message by Desert Chic
on May 16 2012 at 9:14 am
Location: United States Joined: August 04 2006 Posts:
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Wow! I'm so strengthened by all of your comments. Joppette, I still have your cell phone number in my phone from last time you came out to visit here in Arizona. You are the one I thought about most when I fail that make me at seven months ago. And you are the one I think about most in my new quit. I think about your struggle every day. I would love to talk to you. Holly, your words mean so much to me. I really do need to hand all of these things over and daily meditation and I must do that. What a great idea. Last night I kind of did that when I was in the bathtub with candles lit around me. I just walked away from all of my stress.
thank you all for being here for me. You got me to quit four years ago and it's working again.
I'd rather be an ex smoker with the occasional desire to smoke than be a smoker with the constant desire to stop doing it.
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Message by Kat_fairykats
on May 16 2012 at 2:45 pm
Location: United States Joined: January 25 2006 Posts:
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I love Pykke's suggestion, and pampering like Babs wrote is par for the course yessssssssss to the candles and bathtub!
I never cut the alcohol out, but I did NOT go around smoking friends for quite a while. That wasn't a problem for me because I'm pretty reclusive anyway. You are vivacious, sparkly, and love your friends, so that may be challenging. In AA, they say to change "people, places, and things." I take that to mean that early in our recoveries we probably should stay away from smokers, stay away from our old smoking hangouts, and stop doing the same things that keep landing us in that smoking state of mind.
You are making your quit your own in every way and that's the most important thing! Hugs :)
"When you quit, your forevers will come to you."
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Message by ChinHi
on May 17 2012 at 12:54 am
Location: United States Joined: July 06 2002 Posts:
25400
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Hi, I sure am glad to have you back. I am so used to do things myself... our (oh crap what do you call them when they are grown and gone? ) "children" are 23 and 25 now, been gone from our house for... 5 yrs now... so ... and I like you... anyway, glad you are back. Be strong and SEVEN already?? oh my gosh that was the baby... oh my how time goes by.
KCL = Keep Choosin' LIFE
"Never leave another quitter behind" by BTBASSER
Namaste
Mahalo Karyn and lindy our SHEROs
7/25/01
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