Well all, It's day 5 and Iam still doing pretty well. The euphoric phase is over but still havent had any major withdraw. Mostly behavor issues. Went to my mom and dads first time yesterday since I quit and lots of triggers over there. I always smoked alot more over there. Stress, bordom, the root of all that's wrong with me , you know... Without even thinking about it I just started to pick up a pack of her cigs to get one out. She always smokes the same as I did. If I changed my brand she would change hers. Well needless to say I didn't smoke but I wanted to . Not because I craved one just because it what I always did to deal with being over there.
Don't get me wrong I Love my parents but I really don't like them very much. Really my whole family I feel that way about to some digree.
This is the part of not smoking that I was not lookling forward to. I can usually deal with the withdraw symtoms its the remembering all the crap in your past present and future that I always stuffed down with every puff. Your made to deal with it because you don't have that drug that helps you to at least pretent everythings all right . I never learned coping skills I just learned to stuff stuff stuff and puff puff puff. I know I need some counceling here but I really really can't afford it. That 's the reason I am not on meds for my Bipolar. I've made the choice to never smoke again,but I don't think Iam going to be around in a good mental way to enjoy it.
I was so focused on the way I was going to feel physically I totally blocked out that this is why I always give up my quit. Mentally I just can't cope. I guess I'll at least be a non smoking lunitic.
Thanks for reading,
Take Care, Meme
"NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP. "