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Inspired to write this morning...
By ozzy
on March 16 2012 at 3:29 am
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43, Female
South Africa
Member Since: February 10 2009
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Morning all,
I was really inspired to write here this morning after I read Betsy's post. And if I am truthful to myself, smoking is a bit like a favourite pair of jeans for me. It is 'that place' that just makes me feel comfortable, perhaps even happy. But I also KNOW it is an insanely expensive, unhealthy and disgusting habit, one that I just cant seem to successfully shake.
In the past couple of weeks, I have been questioning it again, as I think I will always do because I am very aware of the dangers. But it is always that nagging little voice that reminds me of all the times I have tried to quit and failed. One week, two, two months - I seem to be really good at setting that quit meter back to zero, but really crap at getting it to cleep climbing.
Someone close to me has asked me to be their quit buddy. And we are agreeing to a date at the moment. I turn 42 on the 1st April, and it would make me very very happy if I could be a non smoking 42. But can I stay a non smoking 42 and go onto being 43 still a non smoker? I am not sure. Now, I know you are all probably shaking your heads and will tell me to quit being negative and be positive. That positivity breeds success.
But I am scared, mostly of failing again I think. Of letting myself down, my family down, my quit buddy down. Smoking for me is a bit like a baby's favourite blanket. I remember as a child my mum burn't my 'blankie' drying it in the warming drawer, and she told me all I had left was one little square. I hung onto that little square of blanket with my life! She tried to coax me with the most beautiful soft, brand new woolly blankets but I was not interested.
In a way, that's how I feel a bit about smoking. Hanging onto the old and terrified of the new, even if it has the promise of being a trillion times better. Does that sound ridiculous?
I miss you all!
Oz xx
Don't dream up thousands of reasons
why you can't do what you want to; find one reason why you CAN.
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Message by Dewey
on March 16 2012 at 6:43 am
Location: Australia Joined: March 21 2010 Posts:
2121
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Ozzy
First of all, great to hear from you again. I've missed your photos, your description of your life in South Africa, hearing about your husband and your girls and, most of all you.
I think anyone who is or has been a smoker can understand your feelings about cigarettes. Cigarettes are like a security blanket, something to grab for when things go wrong or just something familiar that is constant in our life.
Don't give up trying. You will succeed in quitting in the end. It may take you several more attempts or this time with a quit buddy you could be successful in getting rid of a habit that you desperately want to.
From what I can recall, the length of time that you have stopped smoking has been getting longer each time you quit.
Maybe its time to use quit aids for the period of time that is recommended on the packs, etc. Even though you may not like the fact that nicotine will still be in your system, its far better than smoking cigarettes and it at least give you the opportunity to get over the psychological aspect of smoking which, from my experience, is that hardest part of quitting. People can quit cold turkey and nicotine gets out of their systems fairly quickly but there is still the urge to reach for a cigarette. We can't really say that after a month or so that our bodies are still craving nicotine, its all the other things that go with the addiction.
You will get there Ozzy. You can get rid of that little bit of blanket and reach for the nice new one, ie a life free from cigarettes.
(((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Dewey
Going my way
Quit Date: 22.03.2010
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Message by betsy
on March 16 2012 at 7:38 am
Location: United States Joined: January 11 2004 Posts:
30619
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Dewey is right
you will get there
never give up!
it isn't easy but look how many of us have done it
you are no different than we are
we are all addicts
but we can become recovering addicts if we keep at it
I have missed you too
glad to have you back with us
.gif)
betsy QD 11/10/03
Today is the best day to not smoke!
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Message by skipper8
on March 16 2012 at 12:42 pm
Location: Canada Joined: July 02 2002 Posts:
12289
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There is no failure in trying ..............period.
Yet I understand what you are saying and how you feel...in the end it is just another "excuse" to keep smoking right? It is the easier thing to do thats for sure.....hold the status quo..........
Fall down 7 times get up 8 !!
Have a great weekend and keep on working on that quit .........you will find your groove..........
~~The time is always right , to do what is right ~~ KTQ ~~Kathy
QD- 21-11-11 :)
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Message by Pykke
on March 16 2012 at 1:52 pm
Location: United States Joined: July 21 2002 Posts:
6205
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I can't remember how many times I quit!!!!! I could always drum up an excuse to start up again...Keep quitting...Make the resolve to yourself...that you have had it....and will stop smoking!!!!!!!! I am living proof that a person can quit....You can do it....If you say you can, you will...If you say you can't ...you WILT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pykke
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Message by ChinHi
on March 16 2012 at 4:13 pm
Location: United States Joined: July 06 2002 Posts:
25398
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you want honesty? I think I was afraid of failing too, until I realized I was afraid of succeeding  it is something to think about... and you CAN do this because all you do is not smoke right NOW over and over again and soon a second turns into a minute, and hour, a day, a week, month, year...
no, it does not sound ridiculous at all... one lady said she quit sucking on a binky.... pacifier with her baby.... so.... whatever works... do it.
so very good to see you back.
KCL = Keep Choosin' LIFE
"Never leave another quitter behind" by BTBASSER
Namaste
Mahalo Karyn and lindy our SHEROs
7/25/01
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Message by hollyo
on March 17 2012 at 11:26 am
Location: United States Joined: December 08 2010 Posts:
3323
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Ozzy you and I are so much alike in our addiction....it took me a long time to understand how psychologically stemmed my addiction is. It's harder to accomplish a quit and to stay quit when your addiction is strongly psychological...hard anyways, but I'm convinced it's all the harder for those of us in that trap. I strongly urge you to try Chantix...I know we've discussed it before and you had some kind of issue, like can't get it there...but maybe somehow through your physicians help you can get it on line...idk, but consider it. It's not a cure all, but it is very effective and it gives you one more powerful tool that just might help you quit for GOOD. It's a strong med full of some strong side effects, I now am taking 1/4 of one Chantix once a day and only could tolerate 1/2 of one twice a day in the beginning of my quit. Some have no side effects. Check into it...you need all the tools you can find. Good to hear from you and don't give up, you will get there, I know.
hollyo
quit date 12/10/10
One Day @ a time
relapsed; 11-12-11
New quit date 1/10/12
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