Current Mood: Jim Dandy
Current Music: That Smell - Lynard Skynard
I bought milk yesterday from my local convenience store. The cash register counter at this establishment is the epitiome of sensory overload. There must be 8000 items on the counter!! A true feast for the eyes!!
Men - looking for a sure fire way to attract the ladies? Well just drop on by the Daisy Mart on Victoria Park Avenue in Toronto, and pick yourself up a small aersol can of "Skunk At A Squaredance" Cologne - only $1.99!!! It seemed to me that the handsome dude leering at me from the display box was "gittin' him sum!!" For the ladies there are those delightful lipsticks, guaranteed to stain your mouth & teeth for a week - available in Awful Orange, Really Raunchy Red, and of all things Blech Brown. Also $1.99. A beauty bargain!
Cigarette lighters are probably the most popular items displayed at the cash registers of most convenience stores. Daisy Mart is no exception. A big seller last month was the Pig & Cow Light. Farm animal shaped lighters, alarmingly resembling a childs toy (scary thought considering how many children are horribly burnt by lighters each year). Flick the cow's head and the flame shoots out the animal's nether regions. So very tasteful. Imagine Handsome Dude offering Lipstick Girl a light from the butt of a cow, excuse the pun, he'd be shot down in flames.
When making my purchase yesterday I noticed a new lighter making the scene. It's called 4000 Lights. How very ingenious of the manufacturer to take energy consumption into mind when rotting out the lungs of the user and anyone else standing within breathing distance. It's obvious the cigarette companies are in on this one, as there was a choice of logo's available. All the brands reproduced in exact duplication on the lighter so that you can match it to your cigarette package. How quaint, fashion conscience smoking. The price on this was a little higher than the other items at $2.99, but wow! 4000 flicks!!
Thanks to the wonder of modern convenience stores in your area, for the final sticker price of $6.97 you can be smelling, looking and smoking good. Damn!! I forgot to add in the price to your health. Can anyone do the math for me on that one? Probably not, calculators don't have the capability to tally up the cost to human life, even with taxes out. Hmmmmm, $2.99 to probable death. The inventor needs hanging.
So for now I'll stick to 2000 Flushes, rumour has it that the Tidy Bowl Man smokes. My commode will sparkle, the water a pretty shade of blue and my lungs a nice shade of healthy pink. Not bad for $4.99.
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.